navigating friendship transitions (and friendship breakups)
Can you recall a time where it felt tough to stay in touch with a good friend?
Great friendships fulfil needs like intimacy, trust, attachment, and emotional support. Friends are there to celebrate your wins, help you get through a breakup, and remind you of who you are when you’re feeling lost.
Friendships change over time. Most transitions happen unconsciously, and you evolve side-by-side, sharing your growth and challenges along the way. But life is ever-changing, and so we constantly adapt and grow with new challenges and experiences. As we grow, our priorities and interests shift. The changes you and your friend go through naturally and inevitably alter the friendship. And so sometimes friendships must adapt or even come to an end in order for us to flourish.
Sometimes specific circumstances call for adaptation, which alters the friendship dynamics but don’t jeopardize your connection. One of you moves away, starts a new career, or needs some time for themselves. You actively need to find new ways to communicate, make time for each other, and show appreciation. You switch from going out on Friday nights to FaceTime calls in between football games and family dinner. You go from brunch on a Wednesday to cooking together after work. Hangouts every weekend turn into obligatory check-in texts every other week.
This might be challenging at times. You might not hear from each other for too long and your schedules just don’t align. Life changes are part of the game and growing apart is normal. Some friendships work just as well with less contact. Checking in every once in a while, seeing each other when it suits both of you. The time spent together becomes more precious and intense. Reconnecting with the friends that feel like home and knowing that you’ll always find back together is a beautiful declaration of love for the friendship.
But what happens when the circumstances drift you apart and you realise after some time that you’re no longer compatible?
You might ask yourself if it is worth investing in the friendship. If you feel understood, supported and appreciated by them. If you understand, support, and appreciate them just as much. Sometimes, this is the moment you realize the friendship was built on comfort and opportunity rather than true connection and love. You realize the friendship was one-sided or surface-level. Finding answers can help you navigate the situation.
What’s important is that you are upfront and open about your feelings and intentions — towards your friend, but even more important, to yourself. Friendship breakups can hurt, and it is okay to give room to these feelings. Realise that ending friendships doesn’t mean the time spent together was meaningless. You can still share valuable and unforgettable memories. And you will realise after some time that the void left behind by one friend leaving was filled with a new connection or made room to grow closer with another friend.
Just remember: Friendships change. Because life moves, and we move with it. And that’s okay.
The following mantras can help you navigate transitioning friendships
Not all friendships last forever and that’s okay.
Communicating changes in the friendship — showing friends appreciation, and checking in when you think about them can keep things strong.
It’s okay to step back and let go of a friendship that no longer serves you or feels one-sided.
Silence doesn’t always mean the friendship is over.
Few close friends are more fulfilling than many surface-level connections.
Side Quest of the Week
We want to know — which one is your favourite friend duo? Take part in our poll linked below:
https://strawpoll.com/Qrgew0d62yp
With love,
Jen, The AMII Team
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